Thursday, September 9, 2010

The land of IfIcouldjust......

I really had a MUCH different post planned for today.  This is not it.  And believe me when I say, this is probably as deep a post as you will ever get from me...

I was sitting in my office today playing solitaire working really hard when I saw a beach scene, complete with palm trees and beautiful sand, on the deck of cards desktop, and thought to myself "If I could just live at the beach, I would be so happy!"

Then I started thinking about how often I say "If I could just _________, I would be so happy."  I must confess, I say it a lot.  If I could just....get married, I would be so happy.  If I could a mommy, I would be so happy.  If I could just.....have a lot more money, I would be so happy.  If I could just....have no more problems at work, I would be so happy.

And then, I felt guilty.  I keep wanting more and more and am obviously not satisfied with what I have.  As I sat in my chair pondering my attitude, one of my teachers came to talk to me.  At first, I will confess, I was a little annoyed.  I had asked for, and had gotten permission, to leave a little early.  I had some things I wanted to get done this afternoon, including purchasing a small, but yummy, treat for my teachers for tomorrow morning.  I knew that there was no way I was going to be able to leave early now that this teacher was coming to talk to me.

I put my annoyance aside as she came in.  She needed to talk to me about a few classroom related things and then she wanted to speak to me concerning a faculty/staff meeting that we had this morning.  We got some news that we weren't totally expecting that is going to affect all of us financially.  Most of us are living from paycheck to paycheck so this news was not welcome.  Those of you that have been following me for a while know how stressed out I can get over things that are out of my control.  This morning, however, was a little different.  Although this is going to be tough on me monetarily, I am, at this time, not worried.  After all that I have been through over the last year between work issues and personal issues, I have come to realize that God has taken care of me even when I didn't know what was going to happen.  This became especially clear to me during the whole housing crisis I had at the beginning of the year.

Anyway--the teacher was asking me about the news that we got and was genuinely watching my reaction.  I told her how I felt and she looked at me and said "Wow, you are really different.  What's changed since the beginning of the year?"  I told her how I felt and how God had really shown me that He will take care of me through the things I had been through lately.  I have been trying to encourage her anyway because of some personal things she is going through and I was so glad that I had kept up my encouragement.  I wasn't putting on a show for her; I really meant what I was telling her.

As I was talking to her, I kept thinking about my "If I could just..."  I have decided that I am going to work on being more content.  That is not an easy thing for me to say.  There are some things that I would like to have...more along the lines of wishful thinking.  If I could at the beach.  Ok.  I know that isn't going to happen, but I love the beach, so it is nice to think about it.  I don't pine over it though like I do some of those other things.  I have decided, though, to work on putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak, and be more content with what I have.  I have a home that, while it is not HUGE, it is perfect for me and miss raven and I love, love, LOVE my kitchen.  I have a job that, while it still will always have its ups and downs, I genuinely enjoy.  I love the kids I work with and most of the people I work with.  I have enough money to cover all of my needs, even though sometimes it is tight.  I may not be able to buy everything I WANT, but that's ok.  I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends, and a snugglie little puppy that is trying mightly to stay awake on my lap as I type.

I need to start living in the land of Countingmyblessings and less in the land of IfIcouldjust.  How about you?


  1. Thanks for the insight BFF! The "ificoulds" are always there, and I am dealing with a lot of BIG changes right now. I think that I need to start living in the land of countingmyblessings too! To name a girl miss h, my hubby which I am insanely missing right now (4 weeks) and the BESTBFFINTHEWORLD, which I am also insanely missing (have lost track of the days since I last saw her in July) :o( I know that God has a plan and I am at total peace about where I am right now, which is really weird because I have't been at peace for such a long time.
    Anyway, this is turning in to mini blog in your comments, so I will quit typing now... ;o) Miss ya BFF!!!!! Prpaying for you!

  2. This was a very encouraging post! Praise God! It's amazing and sad how even in the midst of great blessing there is always something more I can wish for or I resent it when things aren't as perfect as my sinful and prideful nature wants. Good reminders--thanks!