i came home, ate a sensible dinner, knit for a while, played on the computer, and drank some coffee.
and then i checked a couple of facebook pages and now i am struggling.
i feel empty.
lately i have really working on trying to be content, even happy, with my life. i am not living the life that i envisioned when i was 20, 25, 30, or even 35. i am a "typical" female...having had my "dream" wedding/life planned for as long as i can remember.
except my dreams, for whatever reason, haven't come true.
oh, i know. i could *still* get married and at the last wedding i attended i had a very sweet lady tell me that i would be next.
that was over two years ago.
i avoid weddings now.
i had someone tell me that i am an "unclaimed blessing". she meant well, i am sure, but it was like a knife in my heart.
and now, everywhere i turn, i am surrounded by pregnant women. i can't get away from them.
it feels like a big, mocking joke.
because i am now 40. my "child-bearing" years are close to passing me by, if they haven't already.
i am trying to be content and i am trying, desperately, to be happy, but i can't help but wonder why everyone else gets their "dream come true" and "happily ever after" and i am left on the outside looking in. i had enough of this whole getting-picked-last when i was in grade/middle/high school. i really thought by now it would be different.
so, although i had a