In the midst of all this....

I am, by nature, a worryer. I claim to come by it honestly. My mother was a worryer and I would like to think that I inherited it from her. It's got to be in my genes, right?

I tend to worry about things I can't control. I like control. I like to be in control. I was a teacher and am now a principal. My life is about control.

I have recently been confronted by a situation that radically affects me that I have no control over, whatsoever. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. To say that I am panicking would be an understatement. This situation I am involved in right now is not of my own making and frankly is pretty darned unfair, if I do say so myself. And the fact that I can't really control the outcome; I can't make it work out the way I want, is driving me crazy.

(I'm sorry I can't be more specific. There will be a time when I can, just not now.)

After reading someone else's blog today, someone who really doesn't know me and doesn't know my situation, but does know about life, I realized that I have to accept that there are some things I can't control. I can't control the weather. I can't control the #*$%$& groundhog seeing his $*#$&#$ shadow. And I can't control this. I can only roll with what is and try to remember and to keep reminding myself, that God is in control. Not me. Him. Not me. Oh, how I struggle with that. How I chafe against that. How I have several issues with that.

In the midst of all this, I have to trust. Right now, trust is not easy for me. At all. And it hasn't been for a while. I feel like I have trusted, only to have that trust shaken to its very core and now I am extremely hesitant to give it back. Any of it. It is hard to trust someone that you still can't help being angry with. I don't want to put myself out there AGAIN only to have the rug yanked out from underneath me AGAIN.

But what other alternative do I have? I could worry, and honestly, I probably still will, but it isn't going to do me any good. It won't change the situation, my worry. It will only make me stress out worse and make me cranky and irritable because I will either (a) have a horrendous headache (b) eat everything that isn't nailed down and then feel guilty because of it or (c) both (a) and (b).

So, I am trying to remember and remind myself....again....that God is sovereign and in control. Things will work out the way he has already ordained. I'm trying.