The post that wasn't supposed to be....

I wasn't going to blog tonight. I even told my BFF that she shouldn't look for a post in the morning because I wasn't going to blog tonight. I had a CRAP-tastic end to my work day and I wasn't going to blog tonight. And yet...

here I am. I'm not sure what is going to end up on here tonight but, as I said before, writing on my blog is cathartic for me. I am hoping that, if I get this all out tonight, I will be able to sleep and enjoy my weekend.

The day didn't start off badly. The weather has been positively gorgeous and I am so thankful for that! I have been able to take miss raven out for a walk almost every night this week. She LOVES that! :) Anyway. This week has had it's ups and downs, but that is typical for my job. I feel like lately all I have been doing is putting out fires because of this student or that teacher. It is stressful and frustrating but it is my job.

Today, I was dealing with two eighth graders that skipped two classes and tried to blame it on the teacher they were with, two tenth graders who can't stand each other and who talk about each other all the time. One of the girls is uber-tough because of the school(s) she came from and the other girl's mom works at our school. The mom came to me, I spoke with both girls, I thought it was over. I was so wrong.

Almost immediately after I finished speaking with the second girl, my supervisor came to my office. (Yes, the supervisor that I had to apologize to earlier this week. That supervisor.) The mother had gone to him to tell him what was going on. (I knew she had done this because she told me she had.) He asked me how I handled it. I told him what I had done. Now this is where the problem arises. The tough girl has had several "issues" with one of her teachers. That teacher happens to be the wife of my supervisor. Truth be told, the girl should have been asked to leave our school before Christmas, however the admin. at the time wouldn't let me do that. She hasn't really had any major issues since then. My supervisor didn't agree with her being allowed to stay (I didn't either and he knew that.) but there wasn't anything either of us could do about it. Since Christmas the girl has kept a pretty low profile. She hasn't gotten into any major trouble. She may run her mouth, but most of my tenth grade girls do at some point or other.

As I was trying to explain to my supervisor that I can't just kick her out for no reason I apparently blundered and said something that offended him. I tried to apologize but then the conversation turned into.....well, I'm not quite sure what the conversation turned in to. It seems like I can never say anything to him without being wrong unless I am always agreeing with him. If I have my own opinion or if I disagree with him than I am wrong. He completely shuts down and won't listen to any other point of view. I tried super hard to be unquestionably respectful when I was speaking with him today to the point of not starting sentences with "You do this" or "You do that." I was careful to say "I feel like..." but then I was told that I don't feel that way and he doesn't make me feel that way. Um. How do you know what I am feeling when you won't even LISTEN to me?!?!?! I told him that sometimes I get really frustrated because he won't listen to any other viewpoint or opinion. Then he told me that I questioned his integrity and I insulted him. I told him I was sorry if it came across that way and I in no way intended for that to happen. I told him that, just because I don't agree with him sometimes, doesn't mean that I don't respect him. He told me that I can't say "if it came across that way" because it WAS that way. Ok. So he can tell me that I offend/insult him and I can't tell him I wasn't trying to, but he can tell me that I don't feel the same way when he says the things he says to me. I can't win!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is it just me or does that make no sense at all to anyone out there? Maybe I am just crazy but it seems to me that his thinking is circular. I am beyond frustrated.

OH!! I almost forgot! At one point in the conversation he asked me how many times this year I have gone over his head or not gotten his approval on something. I told him none as far as I knew. He LAUGHED at me and told me "Oh, no. MANY TIMES." I asked him when and the only answer he could give me was something that he thought happened at the beginning of the year with the admin. I thought we had cleared that up. I went over again with him what had happened but I could tell he didn't believe me. I asked him what other time but he couldn't tell me.

One small victory, though. Although I sobbed, of course, because I am emotionally retarded and I don't handle confrontation well (although I did wait until he had almost left my office before I broke down. I just felt SO defeated!), I did NOT come home and eat everything in sight so I don't have to feel guilty. I have done very well staying on the diet bandwagon this week and hope so much that it pays off when I get on the scale in the morning.

miss raven knew something was wrong when I came home. She has been so clingy all night with me and keeps trying to snuggle with me and give me kisses. I know she is trying to make me feel better and I love her so much for it.

I am so thankful that tomorrow is the weekend. It is supposed to be beautiful here this weekend and I am going to do my darnedest to put all this nonsense out of my head for at least the next two days and just relax. I am having a meeting with him and a mediator on Monday afternoon and am hoping that something good comes out of it.

Sigh. and TGIF.